You Just Know Your a Bad Cook When ...

Your cat only has three lives left.
When you go on a picnic, the ants bring Rolaids.
The Health Department condemned your meatloaf.
Your kids ask you to make reservations instead of dinner.
Your idea of a "Happy Meal" is any meal you don't have to prepare.
You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.
The family pets go to the neighbours' to eat and are no where to be found during dinner.
Your family buys Alka Seltzer and Kaopectate in bulk.
If leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter.
When you barbecue two of your kids stand by with water cannons and the third holds the phone with 911 on speed-dial.
Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren.
Your microwave display reads "TILT."
Your two best recipes are meatloaf and apple pie, but no one can tell which is which.
Your pie filling bubbles over and eats the enamel off the bottom of the oven.
It took three boxes of scouring pads, a bottle of Drano, and a crowbar, and that baked on macaroni and cheese still won't come off the pan.
If pest control companies ask for your recipes.
When your tuna noodle surprise glows in the dark and melts the silverware.
Your homemade bread loaf can be used as a door stop.
If your family prays AFTER they eat!