... no doubt you haven't -- started out as food related - then just got plain (well you can see below-just how bad it got)

 
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How can there be self-help groups?
How can you be pretty ugly?
How come birds aren't tickled by feathers?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
How do "Do not walk on the grass" signs get there?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do they know when it's time to tune bagpipes?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," what is the opposite of "progress"? ..(hint - congress)
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If a fly had no wings - would it be called a walk?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?
If a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed?
If a mime is arrested, do they still have the right to remain silent?"
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If a vampire can't see himself in a mirror, why is his hair always so neat?
If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?
If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
If buttered toast always lands butter-side down, and a cat always lands on its feet, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast on the back of a cat?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
If fat people go skinny-dipping?
If fire fighters fight fire, and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
If I am. is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that I Do.-- is the longest sentence?
If illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
If infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If it is good thing if a vacuum really sucks?
If it is zero degrees outside today, and it is supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
If money doesn't grow on trees why do banks have branches?
If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
If Mothers here feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, do mothers in China use toothpicks?
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do them make Teflon stick to frying pans?
If one can save time, one can spend time, and one can earn time, then is it possible to tax time?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, 'Quit while you're ahead?'
If rabbits feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
If Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If sponges didn't grow in the ocean - would it be deeper?
If talk is cheap why is my phone bill so high?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the same stuff?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
If vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing in the store is free yet?
If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
If you are driving the speed of light and you turn your lights on: Do they come on?? Do your tail lights come on twice as fast??
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? (not if you could spell properly- but here it is anyway)
If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
If you choked a Smurf - what colour would it turn?
If you crossed a four-leaf clover with poison ivy, would you get a rash of good luck?
If you open a new bag of cotton balls, should you throw the top one away?
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become Disoriented?
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If you're born again, do you have two belly buttons?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Is it because he knows where all the bad girls live that makes Santa so Jolly?
Is it because light travels faster than sound, that some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
Is it possible crop circles are the work of a cereal killer?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Is the hardness of butter proportional to the softness of bread?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't "Big Kid" an oxymoron?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

What cheese says when it gets it's picture taken?
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
What did cured ham actually have?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
What do you plant to grow a seedless watermelon?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
What happens to the extra hour they take away in the spring ?
What happens to the white go when the snow melts?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
What is the speed of dark?
What the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
What's another word for thesaurus?
What's the difference between flammable and inflammable?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Why a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor and planes don't have a row 13, but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why are important people "assassinated" and ordinary people "murdered"?
Why are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather, is it because it's much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?
Why are there 5 syllables in "monosyllabic"?
Why are there braille signs on drive-up ATM's?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there seeing eye dog signs?
Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
Why are they called apartments, when they are all stuck together?
Why are they called buildings when they already finished? Shouldn't they be called "builts"?
Why are wrong numbers never busy?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why aren't haemorrhoids called asteroids?
Why banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
Why do "Tug" boats "Push their barges?
Why do banks charge you an "insufficient funds" fee on money they already know that you don't have?
Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?
Why do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages when its just stale bread to begin with ?
Why do doctors leave the room while you undress? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why do people ask other people if they are sleeping and expect a response?"
Why do people look up when they think?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Why do they call it Alcoholics Anonymous if the first thing you do is stand and say "Hi! I'm Bob. I'm an alcoholic."?
Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Why do they call them "Free Gifts"? Aren't all gifts free?
Why do they call them Jumbo-Shrimp?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do they make scented toilet paper?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do they say new and improved...because how can it be new if it was improved?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
Why do trucks that haul gasoline run on diesel fuel?
Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing people is wrong?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing nightgowns?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny" for your thoughts"? Where is that extra penny going to?
Why do you press harder on the remote control when you know that the battery is dead?
Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Why does Goofy stand erect and Pluto remains on all fours? They are both dogs.
Why does the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? (sing them - they do)
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why don't women put pictures of their missing husbands on beer cans?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Why in the world I did this page?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
Why is bread square, and sandwich meat round?
Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
Why people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke.
Why the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why there are flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why they call it a 'sanitary sewer?
Why toothpaste isn't called teethpaste?
Why we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Why we call it Politics when "Poli" in Latin means "many" and "tics" means "bloodsucking creatures".
Why we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our worthless junk in the garage.
Why we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Why when a kid is running, will his mother say, "Don't come running to me if you break your leg"?
Why when they take your photo for a driver's license they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
Why when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why when you transport something by car it's called a shipment but when you send something by boat it's called cargo?
Why when you're at the beach swimming and it starts to rain, everyone gets up and leaves?
Why women can't remember to leave the lid up?
Why would Swiss cheese have the holes when it's Limburger that needs the ventilation?
Why you can tell a person that there are 400 billion stars and they will believe you. Tell them a bench has wet paint and they have to touch it.
 

....and as a FINAL thought --------

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed? Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted, bed makers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be delivered, software engineers will be detested, the BVD company will be debriefed, and even musical composers will eventually decompose.  On a more positive note though, perhaps we can hope politicians will be devoted.