Finally, help tips that make sense!
Health Tips and News The Straight Dope On Food, Health, & Exercise:
Q: I've heard that
cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for
so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life
of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat
and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical
efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables
to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field
grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.
Q: Are beer or wine bad for
me?
A: Look, it goes to the
earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide
everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable.
We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic
table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a
burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.
Q: How can I calculate my body
/ fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body,
and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your
ratio is two to one, etc.,
Q: At the gym, a guy asked me
to "spot" for him while he did the bench press. What did he mean?
A: "Spotting" for someone
means you stand over him while he blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted
practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why
you're going in, you probably ought to re-evaluate your exercise program.
Q: What are some of the
advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single
one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - No Pain.
Q: If I stop smoking, will I
live longer?
A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of
individual expression and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress
yourself to death in record time.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for
you?
A: You're not listening. Foods
are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How
could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: What's the secret to
healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent
me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you
exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want
a bigger stomach.